Five Times They Wished for Silence
by tamzinrose
Summary: A Diva-Off Challenge Fic: Other people call them names, Puck shoots his mouth off and Kurt gets weird when he feels guilty.


**One:**

People have always called Kurt Hummel names. Though he's obviously never liked it [because who enjoys being called a fag on a daily basis?], he has become resigned to it, accepts it and he's actually eventually become quite good at ignoring it.

It's just a word and most days, he can shrug it off. It doesn't get to him, because he doesn't let it.

But it bothers Puck.

Puck stopped actively participating in the physical forms of bullying [the slushies, the dumpster dives, the locker slams] fairly quickly after joining New Directions. He persisted with the nicknames for a while, until he replaced them with his own versions, which were... well, they were the Noah Puckerman brand of affectionate. And they didn't include any homophobic slurs, at all.

Since the rumours and the gossip started about Puck and about them, and it's all true but they've only recently confirmed it [with a spectacularly public make out session], they've been called names.

Puck's been called a lot of things, and he doesn't give a shit what anyone else thinks because he's fucking bad ass, but... That word. Fag. It makes him feel dirty. It reminds him of who he used to be and what he used to do; that he used to make Kurt feel like this, all the time.

He can't block it out like Kurt can. He wishes that they'd all just shut the fuck up and leave them alone, but he knows that they won't because it's Lima and they're all fucking losers. Until they can learn to keep their mouths shut, he can fucking well do it for them. He may be gay now, but he's still bad ass and he can kick their fucking asses, all of them, if he has to until they get the message and _shut the fuck up_.

* * *

**Two:**

Puck's at war. He has been since they outed themselves. First, he fought the team, which as far as Kurt can gather involved a lot of shouting and posturing but didn't quite come to blows. Until afterwards, when Finn had to physically drag Puck away to stop him from breaking his hands punching a wall.

Since then, Puck's knuckles are permanently swollen and split. He won't or he can't let it go when people look at him, at them, and say unpleasant things. It's like a switch flips, and suddenly he's shouting and punching, so aggressive that it's frightening to watch.

"What the fuck did you say? What the _fuck _did you just call _me_ you fucking asshole?" He's got Karofsky pinned up against the lockers, one hand round his throat loose enough to act as a warning and the other clenched into a fist, pounding into his stomach. Karofsky's buddies stand by dumbly. Onlookers gasp and hurry away.

Kurt hears himself saying "Don't. _Don't_ Puck. Leave it. Come on, just _leave _it. Please." But it's like he's not even there. Puck hears something and he has to say something back, and it never ends with words; it's always fists and violence.

He wishes Puck would just leave it, just once, that he didn't have to snap every single time. He wishes that Puck could be quietly dignified and ignore it. He can't stand it because nothing's going to change. All that's going to happen is that Puck will keep fighting and one day he'll get hurt.

* * *

**Three:**

"Are you okay?" Puck asks, again, his hand gripping Kurt's tighter and his eyes looking panicked.

Kurt tries to smile reassuringly. It feels more like a grimace. "Yes Puck. I'm fine." He shifts position slightly, so he can glance over at the clock without turning away from Puck. They've been sitting in these plastic chairs in the ER waiting room for almost an hour.

There was an _accident_ [an incident] during basketball practice. Something happened, which no one's entirely clear about but Kurt's fairly certain involved some sort of assault, but whatever it was resulted in Puck sprawled and unconscious on the court.

Finn drove him to hospital and called Kurt on the way. "He's okay." Finn had said. "He's just acting kinda weird, so we'll get him checked out. Just to make sure. I mean, he's always kinda weird, right?"

When Kurt arrived, Finn was hugging Puck. That in itself was more than a little unsettling. "Kinda weird" turned out to mean an overly emotional Puck who kept repeating the same three phrases, over and over, endlessly.

"Before you got here, he just kept saying your name and _Something's wrong_." Finn explains, from the other side of Puck. He's rubbing his back gently, trying to soothe him. "I thought he meant with him, but I think he was mostly worried about you."

Puck flinches. "Did something happen?"

Kurt shakes his head slowly. He can't take much more of this. Puck's hurt, which is bad and he's worried about him, but the _repetition_. He keeps echoing himself: _Did something happen? Are you okay?_

"I'm sorry." He says his third phrase sadly, and Kurt can tell he's going to start crying again.

Kurt feels like a shitty person for thinking it, but he really wants to tell Puck to be _quiet_, for just a minute. His patience is wearing thin.

He is so very relieved that Finn is there when he starts murmuring reassuringly. "It's okay Puck. You don't need to be sorry. You hit your head, so you're feeling kinda...loopy, but you're okay."

Puck sniffles and nods, and then suddenly he snatches his hand away from Kurt. He's pressing both hands to his head and his eyes are closed and Kurt's heart starts pounding because this hasn't happened before and this isn't right and Puck's really in pain.

* * *

**Four:**

"He'll be fine." Finn has promised this seventeen times in the past half an hour since Puck was whisked away.

Kurt is trying very hard not to snap at him, because Finn was being so good with sound loop Puck and he hasn't complained about Kurt clinging to his hand even though Kurt's knuckles are white so it must hurt at least a little.

But Finn is all earnest expression and eagerness, kind of like a puppy. The enthusiastic certainty in the way he assures Kurt that Puck's going to be okay, when neither of them know that and they _can't_ know that, does not fit well with his own worried spiral of panic. He is starting to wonder if Finn comes with an off switch, or at least a mute button...

* * *

**Five:**

Other than a headache that lingers for a couple of days before gradually fading, Puck's absolutely, totally and completely _fine_. The doctors have said it, Finn's said it, Puck's said it so many times that it's starting to feel like a new catch phrase he's trialling.

It doesn't matter how many times he assures, reassures or promises Kurt that everything's fine; it's like the other boy doesn't even hear it, because he just keeps on worrying and hovering. Worse than that, he keeps asking, practically constantly, how Puck _feels_.

Puck is pretty sure he doesn't just mean _How's the headache?_ His boyfriend wants to talk about _feelings_. And what? He's supposed to be...upset? Experience some sort of repressed emotion that he needs to talk about, just because some asshole got the drop on him and there was a mild concussion involved.

Puck's default emotional response is anger. He's mad, and he's gonna fucking get the guy that did this to him, but he can't right now. Not with the way Kurt's looking at him, the way he's acting all guilty and weird.

"Dude. Kurt. What's up?"

Kurt blinks at him, startled. "What? Is something wrong? Do you need something?"

Puck frowns. "Hey. Seriously. What's with this?"

"W-what? Did I do something wrong?" Kurt is standing. They were sprawled on the couch together, but Kurt leapt up to hover awkwardly and nervously as soon as Puck started speaking.

"Could you maybe sit down?"

"Are you sure? You don't want a glass of water or anything?"

Puck sighs. "No. I'm fine. I'm _fine_, okay? I get that you were freaked out, but nothing happened. It's over now. You can quit being like this, because _this_ is not fun, for either of us. I didn't die and I'm not going to anytime soon, so quit acting like it."

When he looks up, he realises that Kurt's gone very pale. He looks like he's been sucker punched. He isn't sure what he's said that's made Kurt look like this, but he wants to take it back. He didn't want to hurt him or scare him or anything bad; he just couldn't stand being fussed over, being asked if he was okay. He misses his boyfriend, not this weird nurse thing that's going on.

"Kurt... Come here." He knows he's taken it too far. He's shit with words. He always runs his mouth off without thinking things through.

Kurt sits down with him, head against his chest, nestling into him. "I'm sorry I got weird. I was worried about you, but... I felt _so_ guilty. When we were at the hospital, I just wished you'd shut up, and then you did and I thought..."

Puck wraps his arms around Kurt a little tighter and gives him a gentle shake to derail that train of thought. "Don't. I'm _fine_. I was probably being annoying anyway. I talk too much. I know I need to work on that."

"No, I... I like that about you. I just wish you didn't feel the need to resort to physical violence so quickly."

"What do you want me to do instead?"

"Sometimes, you can be quiet and ignore it. It's okay to be quiet sometimes."

Puck thinks about this while Kurt flicks through channels on the TV, trying to find something that both of them will hate enough to be amused by. With his boyfriend in his lap, Puck thinks that Kurt's right. Their silence is companionable, peaceful and he doesn't want it to end.


End file.
